


I have loved you anyway

by palateens



Series: Grand Larsony [6]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, M/M, Multi, Polyamory Negotiations, roses don't mean I love you but I'm sorry does
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 01:19:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11002989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/palateens/pseuds/palateens
Summary: “You know this was romantic six years ago,” Bitty grumbles. “Now it’s…you remember what a phone is right?”OrJack and Bitty work things out...eventually.





	I have loved you anyway

**Author's Note:**

> I promised gutsybitsies some Jack pining over Bitty...and then I wondered who Bitty was dating. And then I realized that it wasn't that Jack missed his chance, it was that he'd royally fucked up (both of them have in their own ways, check out part 5 of this series if you're new and curious).

The last time Jack kissed Bitty it was a Tuesday morning. The Falconers were playing the Bruins that night. Jack knew what to expect from a match up with Kent—a lot of sharp checks followed by some pleasant one liners during the post-game interviews. He expected to find Kent waiting outside the locker room for him. He didn’t say a word as Kent lead him to the docs. It was unpleasantly warm for November. They kissed roughly, without preamble. Then Kent gave him a lift home. Bitty was already there, paying bills while he waited for a blueberry crumble to cool. They watched a movie before bed. As if Jack and Kent hadn’t been within an inch of dropping gloves during the third period. This is what they did now; this was their new normal. Jack was drifting off to bed when it hit him how eerily similar his life felt to his days in the Q.

He couldn’t wait to crash and burn again. He got up, packed an overnight bag and drove to Boston. He crashed on Shitty and Lardo’s couch. Bitty called frantically the next morning. Jack promised to explain everything when he got home. He assumed it would be easy untangling Kent from their lives. He’d probably understand, and Bitty always wanted what was best for Jack. He’d see reason.

Bitty sat there quietly as Jack explained his concerns. He frowned, but nodded.

“If that’s what you need, sweetpea,” he remembers Bits saying. “We’ll figure out how to make things work with the three of us from now on.”

Jack never counted on Bitty wanting to stay with Kent. He remembers his anxiety rising as he tried to keep himself together. He was desperate for Bitty to see things his way, to cut ties with Kent. They were better off without him. He’d been nothing but trouble for years and years. He doesn’t remember exactly what he said, only that Bitty disagreed and things escalated.

He remembers the look of disgust that Bitty gave him as he told Jack, “I think you should leave.”

He drove back to Boston in a haze. It took him three months to text Kent asking to pick up his things. It took him another six to be in the same room as Bitty again. When it finally happened, it was at a viewing party for the Cup finals (neither the Bruins nor Falcs had made it passed the second round). Kent had invited Shitty or Lardo (or maybe both), telling them to bring Jack if they wanted.

Jack’s eyes followed Bitty the entire time, mesmerized by how poised and…happy he looked. He watches as Bitty plays the perfect host, the apple of everyone’s eye. He tried once to make awkward conversation with Eric, trying to break the ice.

“I’m sorry,” Bitty interrupted him tersely. “I can’t do this.” He walked briskly to the bedroom, slamming the door behind himself.

Kent wasn’t too far away. Jack could faintly hear him muttering “what did you do this time?” as he rushed to see what was wrong with Bits. At some point, they emerged from the bedroom ( _their_ bedroom, Jack thought somberly). Bitty was pleasant and lively for the rest of the party. He and Kent said goodbye to every guest on their way out, Jack included.

“I’m glad you came,” Bitty said as he shook Jack’s hand. His voice shook, his eyes were wet and they wouldn’t meet Jack’s gaze. But he knew when Bitty was lying, and that wasn’t one of those times.

He went home that night (because he’d made permanent residence in Shitty’s apartment) wondering how he’d gotten so far away from everything he thought he wanted. Then again, he had Shitty. Jack always had him in one way or another.

Jack tried not to think of Bitty. He tried not to miss him with every fiber of his being. The way he could turn a mundane afternoon into a dance party. The way he always had a solution or a promise to talk things through until one could be found. The way he was so patient and kind yet passionate and unwavering when he believed in something. Jack pretended he didn’t miss Bitty during the offseason when they were supposed to go visit his parents in Georgia. He told himself, and Shitty, he was fine with not having Bitty’s cooking to help him bulk up, or his pb&j sandwiches before games. He ignored the way Lardo asked if he was going to fix things already. (As if the solution were simple; as if he would take advice from someone who resigned themselves to being a waitress indefinitely.)

When Lardo left Shitty, Jack didn’t think much of it. They’d been on a downward spiral ever since Shitty and Jack started dating again. When she returned to officially dump him, she had a few choice things to say. Most importantly, that it didn’t matter what she or anyone else wanted—Jack always got what he wanted. It stung more than he wanted to admit at the time. The more he thought about it, the more he realized she’d been one person in a long line of causalities in his love life. When she left for good, Shitty cried in his arms for two hours. He never blamed Jack once.

That’s when Jack realized how much he’d taken Shitty for granted, again. He carried Shitty to bed, trying not to think of how many times he’d expected him to revolve around Jack. He fought back a panic attack as he ticked through the number of hearts he had broken over the years—Holster’s, Ransom’s, Bitty’s, Lardo’s (twice), Kent’s (five times), and Shitty’s (too many to count).

Shitty pulls himself together eventually, smiling at Jack like he molded the universe out of clay. But even the universe was capable of mistakes. He gets out of bed the next morning wanting to be a better person, the kind of person who deserves to be taken back time and time again. Maybe he’d never get Bitty back, but he couldn’t lose Shitty.

He starts with Kent. They talk, actually talk this time. Because it’s Kent, he flips Jack off before storming away. And because it’s Kent—once Jack catches up to him and apologizes—he crumbles almost instantly. Jack and Kent are a lot of things: messy, enthusiastic, and sometimes volatile. But in ten years, Jack’s learned that they always find a way back to each other. Kent helps him mend fences with Bitty. It’s not a lot, and there’s days where one of them will call the other just to argue, but it’s a start. He keeps reminding Shitty how much he loves him. He tries to listen more. He makes sure to apologize to Ransom and Holster the first opportunity he gets. Those aren’t simple conversations, nor do they provide perfect closure. But it’s a start.

Ransom, Lardo, and Holster talk about polyamory as if it’s something Jack could manage eventually. As if they hadn’t spent years miscommunicating, all of them. But the way Bitty asks about how to prioritize relationships gives Jack hope.

A month passes after All Star Weekend, and they still haven’t talked. Jack mulls over the idea of being the one to break the silence.

“I was thinking…” he starts one evening while he and Shitty are reading in bed.

“About what?”

“Working things out with Bits,” Jack explains wearily.

“Finally,” Shitty groans, but it morphs into a laugh.

“We should talk—”

“Well yea, we abso-fucking-lutely should.” Shitty crinkles his nose, setting his book down on the nightstand. “I really wanna be like ‘cool, go to him’. But we have a shitty track record with that sorta plan, pun not intended.”

“I know,” Jack acquiesces. “You need to know you matter more to me. It doesn’t matter if Bits wants me. I’m not leaving.”

Shitty’s mustache twitches, his blinks rapidly a few times. “Come here,” he grabs the collar of Jack’s shirt, yanking him closer. Shitty kisses him the way teens kiss each other at the end of movies. He always has, and Jack will never get sick of it.

He tells Jack not to go running off to Bitty’s apartment. But it’s a ten-minute drive from their place, and he’s nothing if not impulsive about love. He knocks loudly on their door. To his relief, Bitty answers it quickly with a tired glare.

“Jack Laurent Zimmermann, do you have any idea what time it is?”

“I’m sorry. I just—”

“Bits, let him in already,” Kent shouts from somewhere in the apartment.

Eric rolls his eyes, moving out of the way for Jack.

He gestures to the couch, exclaiming over his shoulder that he’s making tea. He comes back a few minutes later explaining the water needs some time to boil. Bitty takes a seat not too far away from Jack on the couch.

“You know this was romantic six years ago,” Bitty grumbles. “Now it’s…you remember what a phone is right?”

Jack balks. “I thought you liked it.”

Bitty smirks amusedly. “Honey, I like roses just because. Not just because my boyfriend can’t get his act together.”

He nods. “I want to fix things. I want us to be ok.”

Bitty reaches out, taking his hands gingerly. He puts them in his lap, as if they were more precious than gold.

“Me too, sweetpea,” Bitty murmurs earnestly. “Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Fic title - lyrics from Like a Fool from the film Begin Again (and also a call back to my fic Peanut Butter Jelly and You because PBJ is an angst ridden ship) 
> 
> I kept saying I wouldn't do a huge fic for these guys...but I might make them their own series? We'll see 
> 
> Side note: if you go to my [Grand Larsony tag on Tumblr](http://abominableobriens.tumblr.com/tagged/grand%20larsony) there's a lot of extra content that isn't getting posted here yet. And feel free to say hi if you're on there.


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